Hold My Hand...

In January 2008, my pop was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. It was a shock to everyone, but he went in fighting. We went to see him often, and tried to be encouraging. We got news in the beginning of February, that the cancer was aggressive and would be a hard fight.

On Feb. 19, I went to bed like normal and awoke in the morning with the most vivid dream. My pop had been in a hospital room (different looking than the one he was in) and I walked in to see him. He kept telling my he was sorry, and he was tired. He needed me to hold his hand, so he knew it was ok to go. That morning, we got a phone call from my mom saying pop wasn't doing well, and we should go down to the hospital, but he was moved to a different room. When we got to the hospital, walking down the hall, I knew where he was. I knew his room, and when I walked in, I saw all the same things I had seen in my dream. I ran out crying, b/c I new what was going to happen. I knew he was going to pass, and I thought for a second...if I don't hold his hand, maybe he won't go. When I walked back in, he held out his hand and mouthed "I'm sorry." I sat beside him and held his hand, telling him it's ok. His last words that he forced out that night to the nurse after we had gone home were, "just tell my grand children I love them."

I often wonder if that was just "a dream" or if he really came to me to say good bye since he wasn't able to communicate verbally anymore. I am so grateful to have had this experience and it gives me reassurance that he is here, watching over me. I sure hope he is!