Visit with Grandma

When I was 17 years old my grandmother passed away. I was devastated because she was probably the best friend I ever had. I didn't have the opportunity to say goodbye to her because she died suddenly. I had promised myself I would call her that same afternoon and I never had, and when she died I was very upset about not having called. A few days after the funeral I went to bed early, still feeling exhausted.

Sometime in the night my grandmother visited me. I was in her home with her. I remember hugging her and crying, telling her I loved her and missed her. She took me in her arms and told me not to cry, that everything was okay. She told me she understood that I didn't call because I was a busy teenager and that she knew I loved her without me needing to say it. I asked her not to go--I wanted to be with her longer. I was standing in her living room in the dark, only I don't know if I was there or in my own bed dreaming all this. She told me she had to go but that I would be alright. Life would go on and she would continue to watch over me. She told me I could call her anytime I felt like I needed her. She walked through the wall and I sat on the floor and cried. Then I started walking, and I walked all the way home, barefoot and in my pajamas. I remember cars driving past me with their headlights flashing by. No one called the police to say there was some weird kid walking outside in his jammies and bare feet. I just came home.

When I woke in my bed my feet were filthy, there was dirt and pebbles in my bed clothes, and I could smell my grandma's scent all over me. I cried and cried and cried. I felt so sad and liberated all at once, because I missed her but I'd had the chance to say goodbye. I'll never forget that experience. It was profound and I really believe that we can and do come back to loved ones once we've crossed over.